I like to think I’m an optimist. I definitely try not to get upset about things that I cannot change and filter through nonsense. For some reason, this last birthday I was SHOOK for quite some time. I started reevaluating my life decisions, deciding whether I’ve done enough by this time, if I was on ‘track’ or not. I am highly critical of myself so naturally a lot of inner reflection went on.
So I talked… and talked… and questioned… then talked some more with my husband, best friends, of course Mary, trying to figure out if I should be happy with where I am, what I’m doing, etc. It got really overwhelming! It made me do a lot of reflections on things in my life and the course my life has taken thus far.
I actually never really thought I’d be too much. It’s not that I thought I was dumb or anything, I just didn’t really know any better, I suppose. I didn’t think I was special – to be sure. I was just average, maybe a little brighter than other people. 😉 The one person that always thought I had it going on was my Gramp. He was always telling me I was smart, and special, and could do things better than what I was doing currently, which at the time was working at a pizzeria that gave me free food on the daily; I thought that was pretty damn cool. He’s the reason why I joined the Air Force. One day I decided I was going to just TRY to be the person he ‘thought’ I was, whether I believed it or not. I could always come back, right?
That was the first major milestone in my life. My husband and I just listened to Matthew McConaughey’s new book, Greenlights. It was fantastic. He basically calls decisions he’s made in his life that moved him in a different direction, Greenlights, and that really resonated with me. That decision pressed upon be by my overly confident Gramp was my very first greenlight. My next was probably enrolling in college while I was in the military. It was free so why not? Greenlight.
While I was in tech school met a boy in the Marines, fell in love and he eventually moved here to be with me. He was done with the military life so I got out to spend the rest of my life with him. Greenlight. That crashed and burned VERY shortly after we got married, which changed my whole idea of what my life was supposed to be. Greenlight — I did mention not ALL greenlights were going to be GOOD experiences, right? BUT that led me to put my head down, focus on my career, finish my degrees and excelling in my field.
I took a chance on a lateral career move to a VERY challenging job doing PM work to be closer to my area of study, which led me to meeting this cute older dude just getting getting back from a deployment, wearing (yes, I still remember) a bleached out pink shirt, holey jeans and flip flops… in the office. Love at first lust – Greenlight. A quick 3 years later, I made that dude my husband – Greenlight.
My husband was selected for a job in Germany but I was going to stay here for work. I reached out to an old colleague and there happened to be a vacancy for a Senior PM in Germany – I left MD six month before my husband to start my new job – Greenlight.
I loved the job there but I was ready to switch to being a civilian to have more authority over decisions. My best friend needed a deputy for her organization and offered me a government civilian position back in MD – Greenlight.
There are a lot more ‘greenlight’ moments in my life, but I think I’ve created a pretty clear picture. Each intersection of my life I’ve had a decision to make… sometimes the decision was forced on me, like my marriage ending… some I prompted myself. It’s all in how you react and make that situation work for you. Everyone has a choice in how they react and choose to deal with things that happen – I try to keep it positive and think of things as ‘opportunities’ instead of ‘issues’. It has definitely brought me much more gifts than I ever thought possible.
When I look back at my life I don’t want to be critical of decisions I made and things that went wrong. It’s too easy to be hard on yourself. I choose to see the bright side of things and the ‘greenlights’ that have opened up a new road ahead, focusing on how I used those opportunities wisely. I’m proud of where I am now, I know I’m only getting better… if I look at where I came from, the odds are, I’m going to keep rising. 40s… bring it on!
Ruth
Ruthless Lifestyle 