Unfortunately, my grandma passed away (my grandma, not the one Ruth and I share). It is weird how the grief process works! I’m sure it is different for everyone, but for me in comes and goes in waves. One minute I will be okay because I am occupying my time and mind. Then the next minute I am crying my eyes out trying to fathom that I won’t talk to her again!
I get waves of great sadness! My grandma was a remarkable human being. She wasn’t your typical grandma at all. In fact, I heard most of my first swear words from that pretty mouth of hers. I never had anything to do with my dad (her son), but she made up for that and then some! She worked for many years as a bartender, and if you met her once you’d know why! She is a talker and boy does she love meeting people. She used to take me just about every summer and get me and my siblings together. If it weren’t for her then I wouldn’t have even known them. She would save money from bartending and take us all on trips! I would like to think that I got some of her fierce work ethic! The stories of the times we spent together would be never-ending. My life will not be the same without my grandma.
I get waves of wondering if this is reality! I can’t believe she is gone. I can’t wrap my mind around it. I so badly want it to be a bad dream. I feel very lost without her. She was the one I would go to no matter what! Grandma was my number one fan. I can’t think of any big life event that she wasn’t there for (birthdays, sports, graduations, buying my first house, and the births of my children). She just got me! She knew me in a different way! Grandma came to our house for a visit one time, and she knew I was pregnant before I did! I loved making her laugh. For some reason she thought I was just so darn funny (or at least what was going on in my life was). I loved hearing her laugh!
I get waves of being extremely pissed! COVID sucks! Here this woman was there for me in every way possible, and at the end of her life she had to die alone. Yes, she had nurses there, but that isn’t her family. So many times, when I would Facetime with her, she would tell me she wants to hug and kiss me. COVID is still confusing for most of us, so just imagine if you had Alzheimer’s!
I get waves of peace. Alzheimer’s is a horrible disease! So, she didn’t have to suffer from it anymore. She knew who I was right up to the end. She couldn’t recognize the person she has become though. She would absolutely hate living her life like she did before she passed. Hopefully now she is at peace and with relatives that she has missed.
There is no right way to grieve. Take it day by day and don’t allow the memories to ever die. I am this person today because of her influence and support! So in that right, she will live on forever.
Ruthless Lifestyle 